Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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