She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
