Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
