she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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