Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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