babies were throwing up all over the place
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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