i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Come share oat with me in your robe
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize