Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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