she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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