I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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