I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
