I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
