Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
