you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
