I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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