Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
