dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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