Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
