I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize