theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Text me some of your sweat
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
