I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
