the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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