you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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