Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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