phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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