Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
