1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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