I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
