she woke up with a sticky ear
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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