They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
