just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
