very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
