I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
