he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
vagina is talking i cant
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
