I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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