my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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