I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
