the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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