You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
