Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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