what if every blade of grass was a penis?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
we're so committed to being not committed
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
