If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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