I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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