i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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