yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
