Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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