dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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