i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Your penis caused this!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
