He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Who died my cat blue again?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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