This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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