I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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