My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
