My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
