I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Randomize
