4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
