if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
