Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
