Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Randomize
