The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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