I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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