sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
