There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
