I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
