I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
