oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Bring me that man meat
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize