i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
