I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
