I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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